As editor-in-chief, I was always on the lookout for features that might be considered unique to our magazines. In other words, I wanted to avoid the predictable content of gay publications and also to break the stereotype of "porn rags," as they were often flippantly described -- a remark made by those who only looked at the pictures and never bothered to read a feature.
"As Time Goes By: Three Gay Couples Discuss Their Relationships" employed an unusual narrative technique for a familiar topic. Rather than a typical interview with one couple -- usually young -- or a first-person account of meeting/living together/breaking up, or all three, Roger Tuveson for the issue of August 1983 conducted in-depth interviews with Gean Harwood, 74, and Bruhs Mero, 72, who had been together for fifty-one years; Hanns Ebensten, 60, and Brian Kenny, 63, together for twenty-five years; and associate editor Freeman Gunter, 40, and his partner David Motz, 27. The latter couple dated for a year or so before they began sharing an apartment two years prior to the interview.
When Clif, head of the art department, brought this layout for my approval, he and I came close to another row, in spite of our improved relationship. (We had clashed loudly more than once; profanities catalogued in an earlier chapter.) He had sized the photographs of the two older couples barely larger than postage stamps, while Freeman and David were highlighted (handsome David could have modeled in our pages had he chosen to do so). I was annoyed and exasperated. I also realized that Clif probably had never heard the word "ageism," or if so he lacked understanding of its hurtful implications.
"This won't work," I said. "Don't you know we'll get angry letters from older readers?"
He looked puzzled. "Angry? Why?"
"Because this is blatant discrimination. Why would you size two photos that way and make Freeman and David look like poster boys?"
"Well. Take a look at the others." He groped for the words. "They're -- old."
"Clif, change the layout. Whether you realize it not, this is discriminatory art direction. And I'm the one they'll blame. Readers will scream, and they'll have every right to do so."
After a short discussion, with voices raised only a note or two rather than an octave, he returned to the art department to resize the photos. In the printed magazine, each picture is an equal two inches by three and a half.
A mutual friend of Bruhs and Gean brought them together in 1932. Hanns, who left Germany in World War II, and Brian, a native of Australia, met in London in the late fifties. Freeman and David met in New York at the baths. The three couples agreed that life with a single partner was, for them, preferable to love à la carte. "It's very important to be close, as we are," said Gean. "One wants someone loving for one's old age," said Hanns. "Definitely better," agreed David.
The three couples related problems encountered in their relationships, and discussed how they solved them. Bruhs and Gean, often separated by career demands, found it necessary to pardon each other for straying. They urged other couples not to throw away a relationship for such reasons but rather to learn from the inevitable problems. "The passing years make it easier," both agreed.
"A double bed," said Brian and Hanns. "When there is only one bed in the house, no one, no matter how angry, is going to sleep on the floor." Freeman and David found that different work schedules provided welcome time alone for each partner.
Roger Tuveson's opening line seems equally appropriate as conclusion, especially in our new era of same-sex marriage: "Crash! That ear-wrenching noise is the shattering of yet another sexual stereotype -- the one that claims gays just flit from one brief encounter to another."
ARE YOU IN A LONG-TERM LGBTQ RELATIONSHIP? HAVE BEEN BUT NO LONGER ARE? DIVORCED? WIDOWED? SINGLE BY CHOICE? LOOKING but NOT FINDING?
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(As for me, I was one-half of a couple for eleven years. That was enough; long before the end, I realized that I’m not the marrying kind.)