BONUS NUMBER 112: PRESIDENT ELON MUSK, BIG BALLS, AND VICE PRESIDENT LI'L ABNER
(Did You Sleep With the Models?)
Where do you start to process the shitstorm taking place in Washington? It amounts to a coup d’état. Another characterization is putsch, the German word associated with Hitler’s attempt in 1923 to overthrow the Weimar Republic and thus to rule Germany. Hitler escaped immediate arrest by fleeing to the countryside. After two days, however, he was arrested and charged with treason.
You’ve heard the latest news, so you know that the psychopath Elon Musk, appointed by the psychopath’s psychopath Donald Trump to a newly-invented post called the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE), is running what used to be the democratic United States.
Running it into the ground.
With the help of Musk’s harem of teenage boys, the most egregious one being the venomous squirt Edward Coristine, a 19-year-old hacker who graduated last year from — high school. The squirt is known fondly by his man friend Elon as Big Balls. Did Musk give him the nickname after a virtual frolic?
Musk goes for the treasonous type. He adores Trump, of course, whose snuffling about with Putin and Russian prostitutes is well documented. Big Balls, it turns out, was fired from a previous job for “leaking proprietary company information” — possibly to Russia.
How does one get a nickname like Big Balls? There are many possibilities. Here are a few.
Meanwhile, hillbilly Vice President J.D. Vance is fit to be hog-tied, to use a phrase from his autobiography. Why is he so angry? Because no one pays him any attention. He has nothing to do all day but wish Trump would expire so that he could take over the presidency and ruin the country his own way.
Republicans, like all fascists, hate to be laughed at. Pathetic J.D., subject to even more ridicule than the dunce George W. Bush, is ready to weep now that social media are calling him Li’l Abner.
Who, exactly, is that? Li’l Abner was a satirical comic strip created by Al Capp. It featured a hillbilly clan living in Dogpatch, USA. The main character was Li’l Abner Yokum, who probably served as prototype for Jethro Bodine in The Beverly Hillbillies.
Abner, tall and gawky, is a simple-minded, gullible bumpkin. His family name, “Yokum,” combines the words “yokel” and “hokum.”
Speaking of fascists who hate being made fun of…Hitler and his Nazis would exterminate anyone who dared laugh at them. They loathed the World War II song “Hitler Has Only Got One Ball,” which originated in Britain in 1939 and quickly spread to all Allied troops. (It was rumored that Hitler did indeed lack a complete set.) This marching song fits the tune of “The Colonel Bogey March,” remembered today for its use in the 1957 film The Bridge on the River Kwai (seven Oscars, multiple awards worldwide). Here’s one version:
Given President Musk’s testicular fixation, I offer him this updated ditty, singable to the tune of the aforesaid Hitler tune:
If you’re a singer, find a videographer and it on Youtube, or Instagram, or any place where it might go viral. (How about it, subscriber G.H.? I’d like to hear it sung by an operatic soprano like you!)